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Sometimes I get interrupted mid-flow when writing, so I end up with all these little ‘scribbles’ that don’t really go anywhere because I can’t seem to find my way back to whatever head-space I was in at the time. Anyway, here’s an example of one of those ‘scribbles’
“What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“But, it’s the middle of the night!”
“So, you can’t just leave.”
“You just watch me!”
Tiarn turned and left the room. Dennis was stunned. What was going on here? He grabbed a jacket and followed his sister into the hall. It was dark, so he made his way along the hall more from memory than from vision.
“Shh… you moron!” Tiarn hissed.
“Well, you shouldn’t leave stuff in the way. I fell over it in the dark!”
“You shouldn’t be out here anyway.”
“But, you can’t just leave. At least wait until morning. Where you gonna go anyway?
“I’ll figure something out. Go back to bed.”
“What did you wake me up for, Tiarn? Why didn’t you just leave if you are so determined?”
“I thought you might like to come with me.”
“You didn’t ask me too. It’s a silly idea anyway.”
“Then go back to bed Bozo. I’ll see you around sometime.”
This has been reblogged from Treebeardgarden’s Blog - it is a very good account of how a different approach and change in perspective can make all the difference to the healing process.
As someone who has suffered abuse both as a child and an adult. I’ve always found it difficult to accept the support I have always needed.
I saw it as other folk showing me sympathy and that I did not need ever. I had enough of other people controlling my life.
These day’s being a little older and a little calmer. I realise that if I had accepted that support earlier in life then perhaps my eldest daughter would not have seen some of what she did and should never have seen.
The way I had been offered support in the past had been rather twisted. Being told that no matter what they would be there for me and then backing it up by saying you can’t help the way you are. I mean seriously, we’ll help you and you can’t help being a b*****d. This is how I always saw myself but no more thanks to finding my best friend and soulmate. She not only listened but never ever judged my past. When an opinion was called for, I’d receive an empathetic response hearing the love and caring in her voice. Not being judged for the first time in my life was a strange experience to say the least.
I’d been used to being told it all happened because of the nasty person I was…(View original to keep reading)
Doubts. Doubts. Doubts.
Doubts are everywhere. Doubts are surrounding me, engulfing me, consuming me. Doubts are eating at my soul, piece by piece, morsel by morsel.
What am I doing? I’ll never be good enough. I am never good enough. Useless, hopeless, ridiculous.
No one understands. No one knows the truth. What is the truth? What I know is true, no one else believes.
I’m tired of fighting. What am I fighting for anyway? What do I think I will gain from this? Who do I think I am?
Oh, what is the point? I’m too stupid to be of use. Too dumb to know anything. Too scared to take a chance. Too full of doubts.
This post is about a tremendous AHA moment I experienced on Friday. It is so powerful that I needed to share it with all my fellow seekers out there. You see, like many others I am aware of way too many moments in my daily life where stress, anxiety, depression, and a sense of despair threaten to undermine if not destroy my happiness. With all the daily practices I have in place to increase my conscious awareness, I still am a work in progress and prone to ruminating about the tragedies in my past and fretting over my future.
I begin each morning with a silent gratitude session, before my feet even touch the floor. This small ritual is a fabulous way to set the tone for the day. After I drink my deliciously flavored coffee, finish with my personal hygiene, and dress – I then have my morning meditation session. There are days when I am not as religiously adherent to this schedule as I would like myself , but on the whole it is a steady routine of mine. Later on, typically about 6 PM, I have an evening meditation session and finally about thirty minutes before I go to sleep…..or attempt to go to sleep at least…..I put on one of my self-help relaxation CD’s and drift off. Sounds good, right? So what is the problem…..you might ask? Well, even though these steps have positively impacted my physical, mental,emotional, and spiritual health…..I still find myself in states of extreme anxiety throughout the day with a feeling that there is a giant boot poised right above my neck about to stomp down and crush the life out of me.
So, I muddle through day by day, seeking solutions and tools that will help me increase my life satisfaction. I am a firm believer in the concept of Go Give. I find that by giving back and helping others…..even in small ways such as offering a smile to a stranger…..I gain just as much satisfaction as the person I am helping if not more. One activity I do in that vein is volunteering as a legal advocate in the local courthouse for people who want to file for PFA’s…..or protection from abuse orders. This is where, on Friday this week, I met her.
She was a well dressed middle-aged woman with piercing green eyes wearing what looked like elasticized bandaged sleeves on both her arms. She was glad she had made it here….. in the tiny coat closet sized room given to the woman’s advocacy center I volunteer for in the basement of the courthouse. As is my custom, I offered her a seat and a box of tissues and asked her how could I help her and what brought her to here this day. As she began to tell me her story, I found myself so captivated that time just seemed to stop. Over the next hour, she shared with me story and why she was seeking a protection order that day. But it was not so much her story that hit me like a bolt of lightning hurdled from the sky…..it was her attitude, the peace and love that radiated from her, and the sense of unflappability that she displayed. The universe was speaking to me, through the form of this brave woman…..and I was listening this time… (View Original to Continue Reading)